A haircut and a sense of entitlement

This week I went into the city center for a haircut and the first of three preventative rabies vaccinations. A girlfriend here had a good short cut and I got the number of her Kyrgyz hairdresser. A bit severe as a personality, the lady did a fine job (though “wear it all in a ponytail” turned into “barely tuck it behind ears”). Afterwards onto the German clinic for the shot about which everyone told their personal story of pain beforehand. One of those things.

I'm not sure if it's because I was the only foreigner or I only needed a shot a nurse could give, but it appeared I got bumped to the front of the line. And I kind of expected it.

Perhaps most disappointing thing about myself, or thing most accentuated by living and moving in non-Western countries, is an ever-encroaching sense of entitlement. Obviously I'm not endorsing entitlement, and in fact I’ve come with an organization espousing solidarity and mutuality. But because of how I look and my passport, I am given things better or faster than the aboriginals. Being a VIP can be addicting – and I’m only a low-grade one in these parts, no Thanksgiving invitation to the embassy.

In grad school one of my professors had been a federal court-appointed lawyer to a Fortune 100 company. He said the root of grand-scale messes he'd seen (great corporate crashes and burns) came from a sense of entitlement. CEOs for some reason thinking they deserve to throw $1 million parties with shareholder money. But as with every darkness of heart, I can find a version of it here in my own little ribcage, too. Kyrie eleison.

I don't deserve access to rabies vaccine any more or faster than anyone else living in proximity to diseased animals, but with a phone call and a taxi ride, it's as good as done. (Interestingly, despite calling the #2 vaccines guy in Wyoming before I went to Sudan, I could not prevail upon him for rabies vaccine without having been bitten by a bat).

I don't feel guilty because I can get vaccinated here, can afford the $61/shot. It's not closer to wholeness to go without what we need, but it is closer to wholeness that everyone who needs it could, from the prevailing systems, get it. By everyone, I do mean everyone, even if it means I have to wait in line.