"could my zeal no respite know," a reprint

My friend Ali wrote something lovely and true about lonesomeness. I'm realizing here in Flint, I am lonesome. From other such times in my life, I've concluded it's not lonely if I have the option of being with other people. And by that definition, when Tom goes off to a 32 hr work day, it can get lonely.

As a person of discipline and a PhD candidate in southern literature, Ali is smart as a whip and gets things done. (She is also one of the most accessible teachers I've ever met, and fun, as an aside.) I've thought the antidote must be having the discipline to read or paint or use this time alone productively. She comes to a different conclusion:

I've been on an information binge lately. For various reasons, my life feels especially quiet these days, and in the last few weeks I've been administering heavy doses of reading and listening to lectures on iTunes University in spare time when I'm not reading for school or writing. This is a time in my life, the argument goes, when I can learn everything about whatever without neglecting people who count on me, so I should make the most of it. It turns out that after a little while, that starts to feel real bad.

Marilynne Robinson says lovely things about how the midwest, or the Middle West, as she calls it, is distinctive because in that region, lonesome is a word with strongly positive connotations. I recognize the truth of that. Lonesome. Yeah. Like Hank Williams and his whippoorwill. And I try to screw my midwestern courage to the sticking place and embrace my lonesomeness. But it's like Bob Dylan says, "I could make it without you if I did not feel so all alone." Oh, Bob.

I'm hopeless. I can't read anything without wanting to talk it over with someone. But that's not really the thing anyway. I need to learn to be better at resting alone. My zeal needs to know some respite. But maybe it's not real zeal anyway. The more likely thing, I think, is that I need to avail myself of the promises. Come near to God and he will come near to you.